Tips for the Queer Boyz

 

Are You Too Picky?

Take our revealing quiz and uncover the awful truth

1) What do you look for in a guy?
a. Someone who is handsome, considerate, wealthy and good in bed.
b. About 80% of what I require.
c. Someone with a sense of humor and pretty eyes.
d. A big dick.

2) Which Will & Grace character do you most resemble?
a. Karen Walker, who married money--a lot of it.
b. Will Truman, who is holding out for the perfect guy.
c. Grace Adler, who dates losers just to get laid.
d. Jack McFarland, who makes Brian on Queer As Folk look like a eunuch.

3) Which event would prompt you to date someone you don't like?
a. A nuclear war.
b. Your high school reunion.
c. The holidays.
d. A weekend.

4) How long have you gone between
serious boyfriends?
a. Thirty-three years and counting.
b. A few years.
c. A few months.
d. Eleven very stressful minutes.

5) An extremely bad dresser asks you out. You:
a. Blow him off.
b. Vow to make him over, pronto.
c. Get him naked as soon as possible.
d. Max out your Visa card by buying him a new wardrobe.

6) Your blind date inadvertently insults you. You:
a. Throw red wine on his white shirt.
b. Ask him to stop.
c. Keep an open mind.
d. Laugh extra-loud so his feelings aren't hurt.

7) You've been dating for six months, but he refuses to make a commitment. You:
a. Kick him to the curb.
b. Give him another month or two.
c. Spy on him to see if he's dating anyone else.
d. Tell yourself you aren't good enough.

8) He forgets your birthday. How do you exact revenge?
a. Forget to call him back--ever.
b. Steal a couple of his credit cards, then go shopping.
c. Make him pay for dinner next time.
d. Tell yourself you didn't deserve a gift and try harder to make him happy.

9) What would make you dump a guy?
a. He farts loudly in front of you.
b. He has an annoying way of laughing.
c. He gains 30 pounds.
d. Dump a guy? And be alone?

10) You find your boyfriend in bed with your best friend. You:
a. Immediately sever ties with both of them.
b. Calmly listen to their apologies, then decide what to do.
c. Instigate a three-way.
d. Make them a snack and let ‘em have their fun.

11) During a bout of boozy sex, your boyfriend puts his hands around your neck and squeezes a little too hard. You:
a. Kick him out of bed, call 911, then press charges.
b. Wait until he leaves the next morning and vow to never see him again.
c. Say “Stop fooling around” and keep having sex.
d. Ignore it.


Score with yourself!

Give yourself 0 points for every "A" answer, 3 points for every "B," 5 points for every "C" and 10 points for every "D"

0-9 points
Lower your standards before you become an honorary virgin! Do you have the perfect job? Do you drive the perfect car? Do you live in the perfect house? Bullshit.

10-40 points
Good job! You don't waste your time with losers or users. However, those strict standards are preventing you from getting close to others. Ease up a bit.

41-60 points
It's great that you don't judge guys too harshly. However, you won't meet Mr. Right if you're wasting your time with Mr. Maybe.

61 or more points
Pick up copies of Codependent No More and How to Raise Your Self-Esteem. Then tell your boyfriend “You are the missing link. Goodbye!”
 
 
How Much is Too Much?
 
The following questions are designed to help people decide whether or not they have a drinking problem. It may have been designed in a light-hearted manner, but it has serious implications for us all. Remember the statistics do point to the gay community, particularly gay men, as being most at risk of becoming Alcoholics. How many do you score?
 
 
1. Do you occasionally drink heavily after a disappointment, a quarrel, or when the boss gives you a hard time?
 
2.When you have trouble or feel under pressure, do you always drink more heavily than usual?
 
3.Have you noticed that you are able to handle more alcohol than you did when you were first drinking?
 
4.Did you ever wake up on the morning after and discover that you could not remember part of the evening before, even though your friends tell you that you did not pass out?
 
5.When drinking with other people, do you try to have a few extra drinks when others will not know it?
 
6.Are there certain occasions when you feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?
 
7.Have you recently noticed that when you begin drinking you are in more of a hurry to get the first drink than you used to be?
 
8.Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking?
 
9.Are you secretly irritated when your family or friends discuss your drinking?
 
10.Have you recently noticed an increase in the frequency of your memory "blackouts"?
 
11.Do you often find that you wish to continue drinking after your friends say they have had enough?
 
12.Do you usually have a reason for the occasions when you drink heavily?
 
13.When you are sober, do you often regret things you have done or said while drinking?
 
14.Have you tried switching brands or following different plans for controlling your drinking?
 
15.Have you often failed to keep the promises you have made to yourself about controlling or cutting down on your drinking?
 
16.Have you ever tried to control your drinking by making a change of jobs, or moving to a new location?
 
17.Do you try to avoid family or close friends while you are drinking?
 
18.Are you having an increasing number of financial and work problems?
 
19.Do more people seem to be treating you unfairly without a good reason?
 
20.Do you eat very little or irregularly when you are drinking?
 
21.Do you sometimes have the shakes in the morning and find that it helps to have a little drink?
 
22.Have you recently noticed that you cannot drink as much as you once did?
 
23.Do you sometimes stay drunk for several days at a time?
 
24. Do you sometimes feel very depressed and wonder if life is worth living?
 
25. Sometimes after periods of drinking, do you see or hear things that aren't there?
 
26. Do you get terribly frightened after you have been drinking heavily?
 
 
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